| THE GUY'S GUIDE TO GIRLS | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| A CLUE OR TWO ABOUT WHAT SHE KNOWS YOU'LL DO... IF YOU REALLY CARED. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
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TAKE AN AVERAGE GUY, AN ACTIVE ON-THE-GO AVERGE JOE TYPE OF GUY; A GUY WHO HAS NO CLUE ABOUT WHAT WOMEN WANT. A GUY VERY MUCH LIKE YOURSELF... HE THINKS "CHICK FLICKS" ARE A WASTE OF TIME AND MONEY. BUT, HIS GIRLFRIEND BEGS HIM FOR AN ART FILM, AND SHE HAS A VERY STRONG CASE. SHE HAS SAT THROUGH EVERY KARATE, KICKBOXING, EXPLOSION, MISSLE LAUNCHER, MILITARY, INVASION, GUTS TO GLORY MOVIES WITHOUT COMPLAINING. WITHOUT ENJOYING, EITHER, BUT WHO'S COMPLAINING? IT'S HER TURN -- AND SHE WANTS YOU TO DECIDE, TO "SURPRISE" HER WITH ROMANCE AND UNDERSTANDING THROUGH CREATING AN EVENING SHE'LL LOVE!! (no pressure, just follow your heart...) IF YOU DON'T COME UP WITH SOMETHING JUST RIGHT, THEN YOU DON'T REALLY KNOW HER AT ALL AND THAT'LL TAKE YOU RIGHT INTO THE "BIG FIGHT." "THE BIG FIGHT" IS ALWAYS THE BEGINNING OF THE END IN ANY RELATIONSHIPS OF LESS THAN A YEAR. WHICH IS NOT ALTOGETHER FAIR BECAUSE HE ALTHOUGH HE IS OPERATING UNDER SOME SERIOUS LIMITATIONS... DECIDING IS THE EASY PART... GETTING THROUGH THE EVENING WITHOUT COMPLETELY SCREWING IT UP, THAT IS TRICKY. AT THE 'FILM' -- HE CANNOT FALL ASLEEP... HE CANNOT COMPLAIN OR EXPRESS HIS ANGUISH... HE CANNOT YELL SUBTITLES IF I WANTED TO READ I'D GO TO THE JOHN!!" HE CAN'T. HE CAN'T. HE CAN'T. HE CAN'T HE CAN'T. HE CAN'T. THE MOMENT HE DOES -- BYE BYE PRETTY GIRL. WHAT IF THERE WERE A PLACE THE DECENT BUT CLUELESS GUY COULD GO? A PLACE WITH ANSWERS, CLEAR DIRECTIVES, AND REAL ADVICE FROM A REAL GIRL WHO IS REALLY GOOD WITH RELATIONSHIP ADVICE AND THE UNDERSTANDING OF THE FEMALE MIND IT REQUIRES? A SITE HE COULD GO TO GET THE REAL INFORMATION HE NEEDS BEFORE CHOOSING THIS OR THAT "ART FILM" -- IS IT IN ENGLISH? IS IT DEPRESSING IN A GOOD WAY? LIKE SOBBING INTO MY CHEST AND HOLDING ONTO ME FOR SOLACE? OR THE BAD WAY? LIKE "I DON'T WANT TO TALK RIGHT NOW, PLEASE JUST DRIVE ME HOME"? IS IT SEXY? THIS IS A MUCH OVERLOOKED KEY TO A GAL'S HORMONES - SEXY PEOPLE IN A GOOD, CLASSY MOVIE. IF IT'S A REALLY HOT ONE, THE MOVIE CAN COUNT AS FOREPLAY! WELL, HALF OF FOREPLAY. SO YOU NEED REVIEWS/OPINIONS ARE AIMED DIRECTLY AT YOU; TO FILL YOU IN, CLUE YOU IN, AND GET YOU IN GOOD. AS IN-- "ALL I CAN TELL YOU IS I OVERHEARD A CONVERSATION AT WORK, AND APPRENTLY THIS WON "BEST FEATURE." AT CANNES AND SUNDANCE. THEY SAY YOU HAVE TO WAIT A FEW MINUTES INTO THE FILM SO YOU CAN ADJUST TO THE DEEPLY GAELIC DIALECT, BUT ONCE YOU DO... THEY SAY THERE'S NOT A DRY EYE IN THE ROOM. LOOK, THESE ARE NOT WRITTEN IN STONE, BUT THERE ARE RELIABLE. TAKING THESE TIPS JUST GIVES YOU MORE CARDS IN YOUR FAVOR. IF YOUR QUESTION OR IS NOT ADDRESSED HERE, E-MAIL WITH YOUR QUERIES FOR A PROMPT REPLY. PLEASE REMEMBER THAT THIS IS A GUIDE TO DATING AND INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS. ISSUES DEALT WITH HERE ARE NOT ABOUT SEXUAL RELATIONS. THEREFORE I WILL NOT ACCEPT OR ANSWER ANY CRUDE OR VULGAR QUESTION AND I ASK YOU, PLEASE, DON'T SEND ANY. I AM TRYING TO DO A GOOD THING HERE.IF YOU GIVE IT A CHANCE AND TRY OUT SOME OF THE TIPS, THIS SITE COULD MAKE YOU THE BEST DATE OR BOYFRIEND OF ALL TIME! | |||||||||||||||||||||||
| IT HAPPENS AT LEAST ONCE TO EVERY GUY... JUST MAKE IT A REFLEX TO RESPOND TO ANY QUESTION ABOUT HER APPEARANCE WITH A STRONG POSITIVE. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
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THERE ARE GIRL DEFINITIONS AND GUY DEFINITIONS FOR THE SAME WORDS. "HE MEANT / SHE MEANT" POCKET GUIDE. AS AN EXTRA BONUS, MEN WILL RECEIVE A COPY OF THE BESTSELLER: "YOU CAN'T SAY THAT TO A WOMAN AND LIVE" AND FOR THE WOMEN, A BAR OF EUCALIPTUS BATH SOAP AND "TENSION-RELEASE" AROMATHERAPY. | |||||||||||||||||||||||
| NEVER, NEVER WEAR... | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
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JEWELRY -- | NECKLACES, BRACELETES, PINKY RINGS, OR BIG BELT BUCKLES. TOPSIDERS(TM)-- NEVER, NEVER, NEVER. THEY SHOULD HAVE BEEN BANNED BY 1986. SHOES WITHOUT SOCKS-- UNLESS WE'RE TALKING SANDALS, DURING A SANDAL-APPROPRIATE OUTING. SANDALS-- NEVER, NEVER, NEVER WEAR SOCKS WHEN YOU ARE WEARING SANDALS. THE IS NO JUSTIFICATION. SHOES IN GENERAL-- A GIRL CAN LEARN ALL SHE NEEDS TO KNOW BY LOOKING AT YOUR SHOES. SOMEDAY, MAYBE TECHNOLOGY WILL SPARE US THE BORING AND WASTED TIME SPENT ON BAD, HORRIBLE, TERRIBLE DATES. iF YOUR DATE WERE TO EMAIL A PICTURE OF THE SHOES HE WILL BE WEARING ON YOUR DATE, YOU WILL HAVE ALL THE INFORMATION YOU NEED TO "GIVE IT THE GREENLIGHT" OR TO "MAKE IT A BLOCKBUSTER(TM) NIGHT." IN TRUTH, SHOES ARE THE WINDOWS TO THE SOUL. ANYTHING TOO SHORT OR TOO TIGHT. IF YOU HAVE CONTACTS, WEAR THEM. NO SWEATER-VESTS UNLESS YOU ARE GORGEOUS TO LOOK AT, AS THESE ARE THE ONLY MEN WHO CAN PULL OFF A SWEATER-VEST, EVERYONE ELSE LOOKS LIKE A GEEK. NO T-SHIRTS WITH-- ANYTHING AT ALL WRITTEN OR DISPLAYED ON THEM. THAT INCLUDES HORSES, ALLIGATORS, AND EVERY OTHER COMPANY LOGO. AND: SEE SWEATER-VEST LIMITATIONS.
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